6 Habits to Be a More Present Parent

My 5-year-old daughter grabbed my face in her little hands and turned me toward her, my face inches from hers. “Mommy, are you listening?”

I felt my heart drop – because I wasn’t listening. In fact, even though I was there physically at home with my girls, I was not present. Though I nodded my head at the appropriate times during my little one’s chatter about her day, my mind was elsewhere stewing on an issue at work.

Though this moment happened years ago, I will never forget how it felt. The embarrassment, the guilt of not paying attention to someone so important to me - perhaps something like this has happened to you too.

Working parents battle the constant pull between managing business and home responsibilities, and the struggle is real. The problem with this is - not only are you missing your own life when you aren’t present in the moment, you are missing out on your kid’s lives.

My friend, this is not meant to cause a guilt trip – if you are like me, you have plenty of “Mom guilt” all on your own.

Instead, let me help you by sharing some powerful habits you can develop to be more present parent, starting today.

Stress Makes it Hard to Be Present

It is hard to be present. In everyday life it seems you are always distracted by everything going on around you, and under periods of extreme stress your attention span is even worse.

When stress runs high it takes its toll. Family time – even though you have carved it out, isn’t fun. You don’t look forward to it as you feel like you have too much to do – and it is just one more thing you are trying to fit in.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

You can take back control. You learn to be more present.

Develop These 6 Habits to Be More Present

1. Say Yes to Them (By Saying No to Others)

As a high achiever, it is natural to believe you can take on a lot and manage it all. This is a strength and one of the reasons you are successful - yet there is a tipping point.

When you take on too much, there will inevitably come a time when you are stretched too thin. Something in your life will take a back seat. You don’t want this to be your kids – these precious little (or big) people whom you want to have the energy to give your best.

It is not easy to say no. You may love everything you are doing and involved in. I know I did – I loved winning with my team and clients. I also found meaning and purpose in the boards I served on. However, having my schedule overflow to the point that my kids weren’t getting all of me was a non-negotiable. So, I intentionally removed commitments from my life.

Say yes to your kids by saying no to other things.

2. Set Clear Work Boundaries

Be intentional about separating work from home. Working parents are challenged with this now more than ever with the remote working environment.

Again, it is not easy to set these boundaries, but it can be done. As much as possible create a buffer space between your workday and your home time. If you have a commute this is a wonderful time to purposefully let go of your work and prepare your mind and heart to be home.

Rather than working until the last moment of time you have, schedule the last 30 minutes of your workday as a wind down period. When you put an official “close” on your workday and make notes on what you need to tackle tomorrow it will be less likely that you stew on unfinished items.

3. Turn Off the Screens

To be fully present with your kids, your technology (and theirs) needs to go away. I know this is challenging when you are used to being tuned in at all times, but you can do it.

I know, this one is a big deal. It doesn’t matter if you're using your phone or computer to check email or read the news while they're around—it's just not worth it. Kids are so sensitive and impressionable that they will absorb whatever you put out there, whether it's positive or negative.

So, when you're with them, put down the phone and talk to them. Put away your tablet and do something else together for a change. Be intentional and be present.

It also can be helpful to set aside blocks of time in your week where you completely unplug from all your devices. Read more about how to unplug in my blog Digital Detox: Why scaling back your screen time is important.

4. Establish Family Rituals

When you establish good habits, they become automatic over time, and you don’t have to think about them.

You can create opportunities for presence together by establishing daily family rituals. These are things you can do with your kids consistently to spend quality time together.

Here are a few ideas:

• Enjoy meals together. This sounds simple; however, many families rarely sit down together for regular meals. Commit to a regular breakfast or dinner time that works best for your schedule and stick to it.
• Reflect on your day. This is a ritual I do with my family at dinner time, but you can fit it in wherever it works best. Simply share about your day or ask a question such as “What was good about today?” or “What did you learn today?” It’s remarkable how your kids will notice this and begin asking you the questions!
• Have a nighttime ritual. You may already have a bedtime ritual for your kids. This is a perfect time to be intentionally present. Nightly book reading and prayer time was one of our favorite nighttime activities when my kids were growing up.

5. Really Talk to Your Kids – and Listen

Talk to your kids about things that matter to them.

Take time out of your busy schedule to connect with your children in a meaningful way by asking them about things they care about most in life. It gets them thinking and could lead on to future conversations.

Ask questions about their interests and then be an active listener. Don’t be afraid to ask questions that make your kids think. Challenge their assumptions and values and allow them to share more of themselves with you.

Watch for the moments where your kids want to talk and take advantage of them. This could be during a car ride after a practice, at the table after dinner, or while sitting side-by-side watching television.

6. Be a Fun Mom (or Dad) again

If you feel like you just aren’t any fun right now, (or your kids are telling you this) don’t worry. You can de-stress and enjoy being a parent again - you just need to make the time for it. Here are some ways to spend more quality time and have fun with your kids:

• Schedule family fun time with activities that you can all look forward to. It is easier to be present and in the moment when spending time together doing things you all enjoy.
• Play with your kids. This doesn't just mean going outside and throwing a ball around, although that's great too. You can get competitive in a favorite board game, color, paint, or build something together.
• Have a movie night. Take turns choosing the movie and go all out with getting your pjs on, making popcorn, and turning out the lights.
• Go to the park. It’s challenging to be on your phone while you are on the swings or throwing a football.
• Work out together. You know that exercise increases endorphins that make you “feel happy” and is also good for your health and well-being. Exercise is a terrific way to spend time together while taking care of yourself too.
• Cook or bake together. If this is something you enjoy it is a wonderful way to bond and get some great food out of the deal. Also, as your kids get older, they can help with taking a turn preparing the meal or making dessert.
• Plan family outings. A day at the beach, a trip to the zoo, or even a bike ride around your neighborhood can be opportunities for presence. Have you scheduled your summer vacation yet? If not, get it blocked on your calendar.

Remember These Moments are Gifts

You want to be present with your children, and to let them know they are loved.

Remember these moments with your kids are gifts. Whatever age they are now - they will never be this age again. You don’t get the time back. I don’t need to remind you that they grow up in the blink of an eye.

Incorporate these success habits to be more present is not easy, but well worth it. Use the high-achieving abilities that make you successful at work to be intentional at home. It will make all the difference in your relationships.

You can become a more present parent.