From Fearful to Fearless: Transform Your Life by Letting Go of Anxiety and Worry

The phone rings loudly next to me, waking me out of a deep, early morning sleep. Half awake, I immediately start to panic. As I groggily reach for my cell phone, I feel my heart racing within me…

Then I see the caller ID - it is just a spam call.

There is a reason for my reaction. Just a few weeks prior, I had been woken to an emergency phone call that my dad had been taken by ambulance to the hospital. Then the following day, I was woken up again by a call that my mother was in the hospital too.

It has been a challenging time for our family, and I am grateful after a rollercoaster of events, hospital and doctor visits, my parents are back home together. Understandably, the surprises and constant uncertainty has left me jittery. When I am truly honest with myself – the real battle is with fear.

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, fear takes over. For me it feels like this:

• The tightness in your chest feels like a vice-like grip on your heart
• You have a pit in your stomach that won’t go away
• Sometimes it is so bad you feel like you are going to be sick
• You have a hard time catching your breath
• You feel a massive headache coming on

Fear - that demon I now recognize who would love to hold me back from everything I am meant to be.

But here’s the good news: Fear and anxiety to do not need to rule your life.

You can learn how to let go of fear’s grip. You can move from a mindset of fear to a mindset of freedom and peace. I have done it and you can too.

But I Have a Great Life…

When you stop to consider it, you may realize you have a really, good life. You’ve accomplished a lot. You enjoy your work – and you’re talented and smart. You have a supportive family, and caring friends. God has been faithful to you through the hard times.

On the outside it looks like you have it all put together. This picture-perfect life.

But the struggle is on the inside…

On the inside you often struggle with anxiety – this constant hovering unease. Sound familiar? The anxiety expresses itself in worry, insecurity, self-doubt, fear of the future, sleeplessness, even body aches and pains.

Today I recognize this for what it is. My mind and body are telling me that my old pattern of “fear” is raising its head. And now I know what to do.

Your Usual M.O.

This isn’t how it used to be. I went for so many years where I put my own pain, my own trauma in a box and simply ignored it.

My reason: I felt then that it was more important that I put “my all” into my kids. When my kids were small their dad left, and subsequently their lives were turned upside down. They had been through so much and my top priority was making sure they were ok.

As a high-achieving entrepreneur amid a big personal problem your usual modus operandi probably looks a little like this…

• Pain? What pain. I am fine.
• You pick yourself up and put a smile on your face. You will push on and get through this.
• You put “your all” into your business. I know from my own experience this is a great place to escape. You are good at your work, and you can have success here. You are the CEO after all, and you have many clients and team members who depend on you.
• You put “your all” into your kids. Their challenges come first in your book, and your primary job is to be there for them. You are going to make sure they turn out ok.
• You put “your all” into your volunteer efforts. There are so many needs, and you have a lot to give. The boards you serve on, and the community causes you are passionate about need the very best of you.
• You put “your all” into your fitness regimen, or the new diet plan, or new self-book a friend recommended. After all, a hard workout at the gym where you really push your body helps you feel better.

You’re Doing Everything Right, But…

You are giving your best in many areas of your life. These are all good things, aren’t they?

Yes, they are my friend, but they leave you in last place.

You may, like I did, do everything you can to take great care of everyone else. You may also think you are doing “all the things” to take care of yourself.

Do you know what? I thought this was the path to success for a long time. (But it was a lie…) I chose an optimistic outlook; was disciplined in my exercise routine; ate healthy; prioritized sleep; and surrounded myself with quality people.

But here is the problem – what I didn’t realize then, and know now, is this:

• You can’t exercise your way out of your fear.
• You can’t “success” your way out of your deep mental stress.
• You can’t “positive think” your way out of your trauma.

Your Warning Bells are There for a Reason

Fear is warranted in a crisis.

When you are in the middle of an emergency your survival mode kicks in, and this is exactly what your body is supposed to do.

Your brain and body are designed to protect you.

You may have heard of the amygdala located in the limbic system of your brain, that is best known for its role in fear processing.

When you encounter unexpected danger, information about the fear stimulus is immediately sent to the amygdala. This triggers adrenaline arousal, and a “fight or flight” response, telling the body to get ready for action - to essentially do what needs to be done to survive. Did you know that research shows that information about potentially scary things in the environment can reach the amygdala before you are even consciously aware that there’s anything to be afraid of?

Your brain and body work so fast that a fear reaction is initiated before you even have time to think about it. Consider your instinct to jump out of the way of a car coming at you or run from a burning building.

When you go through a crisis – the building’s burning down, for example, your body goes into survival mode, and you are primed to act – get out of the building.

Don’t Stay in Survival Mode

When you suffer a traumatic event, or chronic trauma, such as an abusive relationship, a divorce, or the loss of a loved one, it is common to suppress your pain for a while.

You put the pain in a box so you can survive. It can be easier, and more comfortable to just leave the traumatic memories in the box and go on with your life. Sometimes it’s left there for years.

But please hear this:

The survival mode that your body is designed for during a crisis is not meant to be the way you continue to live.

Living this way is exhausting as well as damaging to your body and mind.

Dr. Archibald Hart, clinical psychologist and senior professor of psychology provides this analogy. “Adrenaline arousal can be compared to revving up a car engine, then leaving it to idle at high speed.”

My friend, if you haven’t ever dealt with your anxiety and fear, you will never have the true joy and inner peace you deserve. At some point, you must open the box and unwrap the pain.

Remember, your fear is a liar. Its desire is to keep you from everything you are meant to be and do in this world. It is a common enemy – no wonder “do not fear” is mentioned over 300 times in the Bible.

But fear and anxiety to do not need to rule your life. There is a God of love who is greater than your fear, and you have the power within you to break fear’s hold on your life.

There is work to do, and only one way to rid yourself of a mindset of fear. Face it, understand it, transform it, and release it.

Here are 5 Steps to Move from a Mindset of Fear to Freedom:

1. Face it. It takes courage but understand the only way to the other side of your fear is to look it right in the face.
2. Acknowledge it. Instead of ignoring or suppressing the signs of fear your mind and body are giving you, acknowledge them. Accept that your body wants to give you a message and receive it with thanks.
3. Understand it. This is the hard part and takes work. Often your fear of a situation stems back to a much earlier unaddressed fear in your life. Ask yourself – when has my body felt this fear before?
4. Transform it. You can’t change your past; however, you can transform your thoughts about it. Instead of judging yourself for how you have handled a situation, have compassion for yourself.
5. Release it. Only when you fully understand where your fear is coming from, can you transform and then release its hold on you. Make the choice to let go of the fear and replace it with acceptance.

Are you ready to take action?

Schedule some alone time. Then ask yourself, “What are you really afraid of?” Take some time to sit and journal with these five steps. If the issue runs deep, garner the support of a good friend or therapist to help you through this process.

You can learn how to let go of fear’s strong grasp. You can move from a mindset of fear to a mindset of freedom and peace.